This Australian truck driver is looking for a long distance driving job in
Adelaide. He gets offered a job driving a load of bowling balls to
Darwin. He’s not too keen on this , but he needs the money and so takes
off. A while along the highway he sees two Aborigines with a bike, in
the middle of nowhere. So he stops and asks if they would like a lift.
They say OK. The truck driver says, “All right, hop in, but you’ll have
to ride in the back.”
A 100 km down the road he stops at a truck stop, which amongst other
things, involves a load inspection by the local cops. He is asked where
he is off to and he says “Darwin”. The cops go round the back, open the
doors, slam them shut quickly and rush round desperately to the driver
saying, “For Chrissake get going to Darwin straight away and don’t stop
- - two of your eggs have already hatched , and one of them has already
stolen a bike”
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It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
So he walked up to the boy and said, “Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?”
The little boy replied, “I got him from the church.”
“And why did you take him?”
The boy said, “Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it.”
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There was a little old cleaning woman that went to the local church. When the invitation was given at the end of the service, she went forward wanting to become a member. The pastor listened as she told him how she had accepted Jesus and wanted to be baptized and become a member of the church.
The pastor thought to himself, “oh my, she is so unkempt, even smells a little, and her fingernails are not clean. She picks up garbage, cleans toilets - what would the members think of her.” He told her that she needed to go home and pray about it and then decide.
The following week, here she came again. She told the pastor that she had prayed about it and still wanted to be baptized. “I have passed this church for so long. It is so beautiful, and I truly want to become a member.”
Again the pastor told her to go home and pray some more. A few weeks later while out eating at the restaurant, the pastor saw the little old lady. He did not want her to think that he was ignoring her so he approached her and said, “I have not seen you for a while. Is everything all right?”
“Oh, yes,” she said. “I talked with Jesus, and he told me not to worry about becoming a member of your church.”
“He did?” said the pastor.
“Oh, yes” she replied. “He said even He hasn’t been able to get into your church yet, and He’s been trying for years.”
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There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he got, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do. The urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant and told him that he was sick and could not attend church. Then he packed up the car, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, “Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he’s doing.” God nodded in agreement.
The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung, and the ball sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A perfect hole-in-one. The preacher was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, “Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him.”
God smiled. “Think about it — who can he tell?”
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In school one day the teacher decided that in science class she
would teach about materials. So she stood in the front of the class and said,
“Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what
would it be?”
Little Richie raised his hand and said “I would want gold, because
gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche.”
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie. Little Susie said “I
would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could
buy a Corvette.”
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny
stood up and said, “I would want silicon.”
The teacher said, “Why Johnny?”
He responded by saying, “because my mom has two bags of it and you
should see all the sports cars outside our house!!”
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